Depression – The art of successfully fuctioning as a zombie (Part one)

Depression is baby wipe washes.
And mouthwash teeth cleaning.
Scraped back, week old, unwashed hair.
Stained clothes.
That you slept in.
No makeup.
Plenty of body spray.
A practiced fake smile.
Steely determination to face everyone.

Trying to grasp at the day.
As it passes in a daze.
Clasping at moments.
Screaming to find the smallest slither of emotion.
All while seeming approachable and friendly.
Engaged and present.
While you over analyse a social interaction you completely screwed up 2 weeks ago.

Mechanically going through the day.
Laughing when needed.
Agreeing when appropriate.
Desperate to find something real.
Swallowing down food with no taste.
Realising you’re on auto mode.
But you weren’t aware.

Urging yourself to find energy enough.
To show your siblings you honestly really do love them.
You really do want to hear about school and their favourite toy.
But instead just signing out.
Resenting yourself.
Because you adore them.
But you just want to sleep.

Zombie faced.
Glazed eyed.
Going through the motions.
Knowing later on all of the terrible interactions.
And lack of interest you’ve shown in people.
Will come creeping into your mind at night.

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8 thoughts on “Depression – The art of successfully fuctioning as a zombie (Part one)

  1. I want to say I’m not as depressed as I used to be, or maybe I have just gotten better at hiding it to some extent? I still have days where I wake up and before I even get out of bed, I feel a strain of annoyance if I can hear activity in the house downstairs and knowing other people are around, which means I have to put up a facade and pretend to be okay in front of them. I’d rather pretend because then I can be left alone and not have people badgering me with questions about what is wrong or people commenting on how “off” I seem. At my lowest, I practically never left the house, barely spoke unless I was spoken to, and ended up in a recurring pattern of wearing the same pajamas for days on end.

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    1. I know people mean well when they try to give advice about what a person could do to improve, but being in a state of depression, all of that only ends up sounding like criticism and nagging when the person who is depressed can barely eat or do anything without feeling like it takes so much effort. Being honest with people could help, but it depends on what you are comfortable sharing with them.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah i agree. I am much more open with people now compared to how i was. And i cope much better than i used to so i feel okay telling people how it is as its nowhere near as bad. But as soon as it gets bad again i cant explain cos its just too hard yanno.

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    1. I get that. You should just write little bits as they come to you and when yourr ready make some sort of post from it. I dont know if thats something that you already do or if it helps. But ive found if im feeling something making a note is best. So i can face it when im ready. And maybe make a post of it if its comprehendable. You’re really not alone though. I felt for so long i was. And it just takes people being blunt and honest about these topics to help us all feel that little bit more accepted and “normal”.

      Liked by 1 person

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