I go to groups, meetings and appointments for my mental health. To find my independence, and to basically find me a job that’s suitable for me/that i can manage. Or atleast get me prepared enough to even face contemplating getting a job.
I know that sounds entirely lazy and spoilt, but it’s not like i enjoy depending on my family. I don’t wake up in the morning, and take copious amount of joy in the fact that i rely so heavily on them, or that i can’t live alone. Not to mention that i don’t have money, enough to even pay my nan (who i live with) board.
I’d love to be a grown-up. I’d take pride in having my own place, in having a job. Supporting myself… but it’s just not plausible. Do people think that it fills me with delight to know I’m incapable of the simplest of tasks? That most children can fuction with more success than me.
Things like saying “hi” to people. Asking people to go out places with me. Saying “no” to things that i really don’t want to do. Walking into shops. Having to take an unplanned route. Having to make an unforeseen journey. Not knowing how to react to the most basic situations, or respond to a straight forward question.
Do people think i bathe in the knowledge that i often am too afraid to ask where the toilets are? Or if i can go to the toilet? Do they think i honestly enjoy making a journey twice as long, because my fear of roads renders me useless? Which inturn makes me late for most things.
Whilst on the topic of being late. Do they think i drive myself insane just for the fun of it? Being unable to leave the house until I’ve done certain things, multiple times sometimes. Having to do that almost every time i leave the house ultimately results in being late, so much of the time. Do people not see how demeaning it is to have to create elaborate excuses, to explain away my constant lateness or sometimes my impromptu absence?
Do people not realise how much of my self worth it wittles away each time i fail, to correctly perform an action? Or do they truly believe that i glorify my futile attempts to partake in an activity, in which a 10 yearold could achieve with ease?