A message to people who “don’t believe in anxiety”.

I go to groups, meetings and appointments for my mental health. To find my independence, and to basically find me a job that’s suitable for me/that i can manage. Or atleast get me prepared enough to even face contemplating getting a job.

I know that sounds entirely lazy and spoilt, but it’s not like i enjoy depending on my family. I don’t wake up in the morning, and take copious amount of joy in the fact that i rely so heavily on them, or that i can’t live alone. Not to mention that i don’t have money, enough to even pay my nan (who i live with) board.

I’d love to be a grown-up. I’d take pride in having my own place, in having a job. Supporting myself… but it’s just not plausible. Do people think that it fills me with delight to know I’m incapable of the simplest of tasks? That most children can fuction with more success than me.

Things like saying “hi” to people. Asking people to go out places with me. Saying “no” to things that i really don’t want to do. Walking into shops. Having to take an unplanned route. Having to make an unforeseen journey. Not knowing how to react to the most basic situations, or respond to a straight forward question.

Do people think i bathe in the knowledge that i often am too afraid to ask where the toilets are? Or if i can go to the toilet? Do they think i honestly enjoy making a journey twice as long, because my fear of roads renders me useless? Which inturn makes me late for most things.

Whilst on the topic of being late. Do they think i drive myself insane just for the fun of it? Being unable to leave the house until I’ve done certain things, multiple times sometimes. Having to do that almost every time i leave the house ultimately results in being late, so much of the time. Do people not see how demeaning it is to have to create elaborate excuses, to explain away my constant lateness or sometimes my impromptu absence?

Do people not realise how much of my self worth it wittles away each time i fail, to correctly perform an action? Or do they truly believe that i glorify my futile attempts to partake in an activity, in which a 10 yearold could achieve with ease?

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5 thoughts on “A message to people who “don’t believe in anxiety”.

  1. This is so very true for me as well. Overall, I feel there are a number of different sorts of people that understand (or don’t) when it comes to Anxiety. (This isn’t by means all the variations I’m about to list, but some of the main sorts I feel).
    -The Harsh: People that want you to “just get over it”, and “stop being lazy”. People that refuse to understand or try to understand in the slightest way.
    -The Well-Meaning: People that are similar to the Harsh, but are trying to be nice and kind. However, they still think it’s something that can be fixed in a jiffy. They too don’t put effort into understanding what’s going on with another person in this case.
    -The Compassionate: People that may not understand, however are trying to. They may make some goofs, but they’re honestly trying to do what’s possible to help.
    -The Comrade-In-Arms: Fellow people that suffer from mental afflictions like anxiety or depression. That do what they’re able to keep going, wake up and drag themselves out of bed, to tackle what’s going on. We’re in this category, and sometimes we’re even our own worst foe in that we don’t realize sometimes how much energy and pure will and strength it takes to just do average tasks that are simpler for those who don’t have the same issues.
    Like I said, these are not all the types of people I feel are out there, but some of the main ones. And heck, sometimes the categories can change a little, like one that may initially be harsh or well-meaning, may shift to compassionate… or even become a comrade-in-arms themselves when they realize they may have some anxiety and depression issues as well.
    At any rate, thank you for posting this as well. You’ve certainly listed a lot of my own anxieties and worries that I have too. It’s a good reminder for me that the times I’m extremely self-critical of myself, that it is part of the anxiety and such trying to attack me.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Its not just me who rates people then 😂 I always rate the types of ways people see anxiety. Like you said, people who have been there or are there.

      Theres the people who have been there and claim to understand it but apparently, miraculously dont understand when you try to explain. Those people suck. Cos they should by rights understand but cos theyre “cured”, and are better now, just act like you have nothing to be anxious about and are weak cos you arent better like them..

      Then people who dont entirely get it but try because they love you. And theyre willing to be more educated. And they’re learning every day. These are my favourite people. And often these people used to be sceptics.

      Then the worst are the people that just say as soon as youre managing and finding balance that youre ready for a job, to move out. Grow up have kids. Make something of your life.😂 Those people personally are my least favourite. It’s like I’ve had a great day. But they make me feel bad for having a great day because… if i can be that happy why can’t i work. Why cant i do other things. And thats such a crap way to look at it. To make someone who struggles to find happiness feel bad for enjoying theirself.

      Then as you also said you have the people who say youre lazy and they just. I feel bad but sometimes i think. I hope you have this one day or someone you love does. So you can feel the pain. I feel awful after. But its tough when people see you that way.

      Sorry for the essay but its odd that ive only just realised its not just me that catagorises people.

      Like

  2. I love my therapist for this very reason—she has worked hard to help me see that I know what is true about myself, and who cares what others think? I know I’ve spent way too much time caring about how others see me, but they don’t have all the facts. Nevertheless, I know what you mean about the different kinds of people! Lol!

    I felt truly horrible when I was realizing what I’d been dealing with for all those years—the anxiety and depression—and I was in my 50s and hadn’t realized it was exactly what my daughter had been dealing with. She’s doing really well now, but it upsets me that I didn’t know how to help her when she was struggling the most.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thanks for sharing this Robyn, it’s quite reassuring that the thoughts that go through my troubled mind are not just me and my illnesses. From your post and the comments of the people so far it appears that we all have similar and yet very different experiences without own health problems.

    I have become very distrusting of people and their actions towards me as a person . I struggle with transport, with shops, with crowded places, with selfishness and a whole host of things that stress me and make me ill.

    People do not understand, they fail to grasp, even though I try to explain things. My illness is invisible and therefore a figment of my imagination. I can only work 7 hours a week and that tires me out, people think I am playing a con or just bone idle. Like you I want to work, I want my life back, I want to have money to do nice things and enjoy pleasant things. I spent so much time focusing on other people’s problems and woes that mine were forgotten and now I must pay the price.

    I also get angry which I do not like but it seems to be a manifestation of my health. I hope one day I will find a level of balance that is acceptable to me.

    In the meantime I will look forward to you posts and wish all those who have a mental illness of some kind, peace, respect and a future where we are not judged.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I really relate with the job thing. I obviously want to work. I want to show im actually worth something. I just really struggle with pressure. I find it hard to believe that there is any job that has no pressure. I understand that, its just… i really hated when i worked in retail… the fear of being stuck behind the checkout, not being able to leave if i felt panicky. People asking me things and i just was drowning, concentrating on not feeling sick… too busy to reply. And its just with my worrying i often turned up late. I would talk myself out of it then into it then back out again and if be that exhausted by the time i got there.

      We all deal in our own ways. We can all manage to different extents than others i appreciate that. I just really struggle with worrying about how people see me, i think they think im lazy and faking my illness. But honestly i get annoyed with people asking me about it and its just a subject i usually avoid. I will actually make a post about that though. I think its a topic people will relate too and i hope it will help others if im honest about my experience with work.

      Its honestly good that you can work, even 7 hours is great! The effort that must go into that. Trust me. I know. So well done! That must be hard and you should be really proud that you push yourself to do that!

      Like

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