Contrast

My world has flipped,
The fact I’m aware of that is worse.
It was in full HD colour,
Now my world a grey fuzzy mess.
Interactions are taken negatively,
The same interactions that i would have taken positively last week.
My depression twists the way i perceive the world.
And even though i know that,
I can’t prevent it,
I can’t convince myself differently.
Before i believed that people loved me,
Now i feel like i was just kidding myself.
This is my real state,
Where i belong,
What my life is.
The past month or so was fake,
Was just temporary,
Not the real way i am intended to live.
The thing is usually It’s a struggle,
To be above it all,
To live,
To strive.
I’m usually scared about going back to depressed me,
I actively force myself to be happy.
But it wasn’t like that this time,
I almost felt I’d turned a corner.
I felt this new confidence,
Reassurance,
I thought i had it sorted.
But now,
It seems so distant.
Like a dream,
Like it almost didn’t happen.
It seems highly impossible to achive that amount of normality,
To be that level headed,
To live my life to such a high standard as that again.
I’m back to the old me,
The me i hate.
But deserve to be.

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