Just a quick update. I guess there’s a few of you who read my blog now, and a fair amount of you have asked me if I’m okay, since my last few posts have been abit negative. So thankyou to everyone who has asked. I’ve tried to reply to you all, and it does make me feel really supported. I’ve had this blog for over a week now and it’s been a real insight. It’s been a really positive experience thus far.
I’m grateful I’ve found so many like-minded, genuinely conciderate, creative, amazing people!
I had an awful few days, but i forced myself out of the house. I’ve put my support system into action. Made plans to ensure I’ll be kept busy, not have too much time alone to dwell. I’ve surrounded myself with people who make me feel safe, and I’ve took everyones kind words and encouragement to heart.
I don’t feel I’m drowning anymore. Rather than struggling, being alone, I’ve chosen to be with my family. I’m spending a few days here, eating Indian, watching Black Mirror, the Winter Olympics, and The Voice. Playing ball games with the kids, and playing with the play doh. Seeing them giggle, getting snuggles from the, and feeling great!
But besides letting you all know that I’m feeling a lot better, there’s other reasons that i wrote this post. I put a lot of effort and time, aswell as thought, into my blog. Which i can’t completely achieve while I’m with my parents, without appearing ignorant.
I just want to experience this time with my family, i don’t want to be on my phone all of the time. I want to be available to them, not proccupied and distracted. Then i can come back to my blog when i need it, and also when i have the time alone. I know that sounds like I’m not putting effort into it, but it’s because i want quality posts that i need some time away.
The final reason i wrote this is because, so far I’ve posted mainly poems, or just clips of emotional ramblings. I’m not sure whether i want my blog to consist soley of these poems/pieces of writing, and use it purely as an escape when it gets too dark. Or whether to make daily posts, irrelevant of if I’m feeling high or low?
I know i worry too much, but I’m aware that to produce the usual emotional pieces, i have to be in that frame of mind. Which is why my blog is a great place to escape to when I’m feeling all of those pressures. However since I’m not currently in a stituation where I’m sad or anxious, i don’t need to use my blog a safety net as much.
So until i know whether my blog will be a personal/daily thing, including all aspects of my life, treating it more as a diary, than as a notebook to just scrawl the negative feelings in. I’ll have to just be a spectator of your blogs, because i simply can’t produce my usual posts for now.
I’m sorry if this makes me seem egotistical, to think that any of you might even be bothered if i don’t post. I just really wanted to do this every day, i wanted to seriously give it my all. Ultimately, i don’t want people to think im a flake, and i want to be dedicated to my blog.
So, if you can give me your opinions on what you’d like to read, I’d be really grateful. I thought this blog was mine, but in just this short time I’ve realised my followers, and everyone that comments are part of it too. So I’d apprectiate your thoughts, and I’ll be back next week no doubt.