Prelude to a bus journey.

Money pressed into my hand.
Stomach already churning.
Retreating from each passing car.

Aware of my breathing.

Checking for any sign of the bus.
Squinting against the sun.
Hands shaking.

Aware of my heartbeat.

Feeling my legs start to give.
Checking the bus times again.
Still no bus.

Aware of my the twinges in my stomach.

New tactic.
Observe.
Observe the ongoing traffic.
Observe the fellow bus stop dwellers.
On the opposite side of the road.
Oh no. Theres the stomach again.
There’s the breathelessness.

Hurry bus!
Hurry!
Where to run?
Where to hide?
How far back home!?
Maybe i can just sit here and dissapear…
God, just let me dissapear.
Take me back home.
Home!
Where it’s safe.
Help me!

Not the tears…
Please not the tears!
Focus.
Focus!
You’ll be home before you know it.
With family.
With friends.
Soon.

Don’t lose it.
Keep with it.
Come on!
YOU’VE DONE THIS BEFORE…
Breathe!
In. One, two, three, four.
Hold. Two, three, four.
Out. Two, three, four.
Hold….

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4 thoughts on “Prelude to a bus journey.

  1. Hi, I’ve been idly checking out your blog since WordPress notified me that you liked my last art post. I like your content, and I can very much relate to this poem and the last as someone else that deals with anxiety and depression on a daily basis. (In fact, it was two days ago that I had to take public transportation to a medical facility, and ended up somehow twisted around and lost when I left the place. It took me a while to find the right bus stop again to get home!).
    I wanted to say thank you for posting about this sort of thing. I think it’s super valuable, more than I think most of us will realize. It’s a reminder, a sort of weird relief, that those who also have such anxiety issues are *not* struggling alone with them, that there ARE others that can completely relate.
    I just wanted to say that, and to keep chipping away and never give up on working with anxiety and depression issues. It’s dark sometimes, but sometimes when it is at it’s darkest, we don’t truly see how much progress we’re making as we trudge forward and tackle it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thankyou. I thought your art was awesome! Its different so i like it 😀 I was super nervous posting stuff like this, i used to post it on my instagram but i couldnt go as indepth. Mainly because i had people i knew on there and i felt that limited me as i rarely open up to how bad it really is to those closest. It’s not fair on them to have to deal with that. But also just instagram isnt a site for long winded writing so i loved to here. I think its a great way to escape and recently ive been dealing with such crappy stuff. I need this now to keep me going. Its been a week and yet this is now my new focus. And im clinging to it like a life line. I tend to do that. If i find something helps i cant let go. Usually its okay except for when its people. Thats admittedly problematic. Anyways. I get what you mean. In a weird way you like the community. A bunch of people who have the same issues that you can really relate to. Not a counsellor whos never experienced it. Not a friend who struggles to understand. Its nice to know i can talk about stuff and have people who get it. This is my retreat now. As soon as im panicky i come on here. I dont think thats a bad thing.

      Liked by 1 person

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